i will never forget

i wanted to do this post on sunday, but since i was so busy with baby showers i didn't get to it.

6 years ago on july 11th & 12th, 2003

we brought little bronson home from the hospital. he was "perfect"! braxton was such a great big brother. he wanted to help do everything, so we let him.

i had to sleep on the couch because of my c-section, so jared and braxton slept on a mattress on the floor in the living room to be close to me and bronson. we put bronson down to sleep in his bassinet. i asked jared if he thought we should put the bassinet closer to me (it was across the room from me about 5 foot steps:)) just in case he quit breathing i would know. jared assured me that he would be just fine.

around 12:00 a.m. on july 12, 2003 bronson woke me up by crying. it was time for him to eat, so i got up and went into the bathroom to go potty. i heard him quit crying, so i thought jared had heard him and had gotten him up and had settled him down. so i go back into the living room and bronson is laying on his back with his back arched, his face is turning blue and purple and he has stuff coming out of his nose.

i went in to panic mode. i quickly picked bronson up and i yelled for jared to wake up and started kicking jared in the head. he woke up and i said "he isn't breathing". so i told jared to go get the nasal aspirator. he went into the bedroom, i went into the bathroom. we ran into each other as i was coming out of the bathroom. it didn't work.

i call jared's mom, teresa, to come up to the house to help us. she wasn't home! i figured she could help us do cpr until the ambulance got there. i guess randy, jared's dad, answered and the only thing i said was "he's not breathing." i do not even recall this conversation.

i then called the ambulance. i was very calm, told them i had a new baby who wasn't breathing and where we lived. as i hung up the phone i opened the back door to see what jared was doing with bronson. he was headed to his mom's to get help. but when he got outside and squeezed bronson, it was the best thing in the world~

HE CRIED!!!!!!!!

i had never in my life been so happy to hear a baby cry!

we still wanted the ambulance to take him to kirksville to get him checked out.

before the ambulance got there i picked my 4 1/2 year old son, braxton, up off the floor and put him in bed so he wouldn't hear all the commotion and wake up scared. mind you, i had just gotten home from having a c-section. it wasn't the smartest thing i ever did.

jared's dad called teresa and told her she needed to get to our house b/c bronson wasn't breathing. she was there in one minute flat. she went flying by our neighbors house so fast that they thought it had to have been the ambulance.

i called my mom and told her what was going on but told her he was ok, and she didn't have to come. but of course she was there in a flash!

the ambulance arrived really fast. one of my co-workers husbands was on duty that night. when the ambulance call went off she said she told him that i had brought the baby home that day. she said he was gone faster than she had seem him leave in a long time. he even met the other ambulance crew 2 blocks from the ambulance shed so they could get to my house even quicker. thanks to them for their hard work!

that ambulance ride to kirksville was the roughest ride i have ever been on. it was time for my pain medicine, but in all the rush, i hadn't grabbed it. i remember the ambulance crew sucking all kinds of stuff out of his nose.

when we got to the hospital the dr wanted to know what exactly had happened. so i told him. he then wanted to know how i knew he was turning blue and purple if it was dark. this immediately made jared and i mad. it was like he didn't believe us that this had actually happened or that he thought we had done something to him. we ended up getting sent home and a lady brought us a sleep apnea monitor the next day. can you believe they sent us home with a 3 day old baby that had quit breathing? it still just floors me!

we didn't hardly ever use the monitor. whenever he was sleeping he was on some one's chest the whole time. night and day! if he was on our chest with the monitor on then it would pick up our heart rates and set the machine off. i was so protective of the little fart from that day on!

i can't imagine life without him! just look at him! he is perfect and he is alive!

so here is to you bronson!
i am so glad that i have been able to witness:
you say your first words
get your first tooth
crawl
take your first steps
eat your first bite of food
play
laugh
love
ride a bike
see the bond between you and your grandparents
seeing you love your brothers
hugs
kisses
your first day of summer school, times 2
fishing
hunting
Sweet personality
your orneriness
your smile
the sparkle in your eyes
getting to look into your gorgeous eyes
and many more things!
you are truly a blessing and i love you more and more everyday!
love,
mommy